This week I had the honour of shaking the hand and presenting a seminar on internet marketing to a man who knew John F Kennedy! 87 years young, and still a practising lawyer.

Today, I am preparing for a full days intensive training for a room full of 12 people. My favourite kind of teaching. Small, intensive and powerful. Here’s a sneak peek at the notes for today (you’ll have to turn your head and click to enlarge)…

Internet Marketing Seminar MarkAttwood.com

UPDATE AFTER THE EVENT:

…and here are some of the testimonials I got after a hard but rewarding 8.5 hours straight talking (big thanks to Mike Philbin for organising and Steve Wild for driving the decks)….

I can genuinely say to all our friends, clients, subscribers and suppliers, that 2011 has been amazing. We are all incredibly grateful for the support you have shown, and really appreciate your business.

On a personal note, I believe we are entering a golden age in 2012, and many of the “crises” and “disasters” you hear about on the news are just the death throes of a failed system. Have hope and belief in a wonderful future.

For now, please enjoy our little Christmas video…

We’re looking for a new copywriter to join our fantastic team of PALovians (people who work for PAL – Perfect Associates Limited) in Cheadle Hulme, Cheshire.

The job involves writing lots of SEO and website copy (we are an internet marketing company), but also we need someone who can write to higher standards (or at least aspires to) because we’re also a publishing company.

Here’s our skip hire magazine:

Here’s our magazine for goalkeepers:

You’ll need to be able to write fast and hard and accurately. Not be a piss-taker. Love working in a young dynamic team environment.

Here are some of our PAL Family on our regular company culture day explaining what it means to them to work at PAL:

We’ll pay whatever you’re worth. Come and have a chat with us to see if we’re a good match?

Send your CV to sam.day@perfectassociates.co.uk as soon as you can and we’ll be in touch!

You’ve got to laugh at this.

Whilst working on some adwords accounts for our clients, these are some of the reasons why google banned our ads:

{Keyword} Ash Cum Ridley – Currently we do not allow ad text containing the word ‘cum’ to run on Google. Please remove this inappropriate language from your ad and we will be happy to run your ad on Google.

{Keyword} Ashton – Google does not permit the advertising of tobacco or tobacco-related products. Please see our guidelines for our full policy.

{Keyword} Pill – Your ad appears to contain pharmacy-related content. Google requires pharmacies in the US to be accredited with the National Association Boards of Pharmacy… Google policy does not allow Adwords ads for prescription drugs to be displayed in other countries.

{Keyword} Westward Ho! – Google’s policy does not permit excessive or unnecessary punctuation. Please see our guidelines for our full policy.

{Keyword} St Bride’s Major – At this time, Google does not permit Adwords ads for websites that promote mail order brides. Related keywords or ad text are also not permitted.

So, now we’re going to have to get on to our account manager at Google with a map of the UK in hand!

What’s hilarious is:

1. If Google is so clever, why hasn’t it got UK place names in it’s database?
2. The tone of their reasons for not allowing the adverts is pure Newspeak. Our moral guardians! My arse.

Have you ever had anything like this happen to you with adwords?

Just checking out Google Page Speed labs this morning. I’ve mentioned many times that speed is an important seo ranking factor.

Had a good look around my main money sites, and they’re all doing fine. One site I pay little attention to is this one, so I happily show you how far I have to go in terms of improving page speed today (click to enlarge)…

A 47% score ain’t good. (Google is 98% – check it out here)

What does this mean in practical terms for your website? How fast do you need to be?

Well, are you above all your competitors for the keywords that matter?

If the answer is “Yes” – don’t worry about page speed until the answer is “No”. Go and do something more productive like a random act of kindness to your best customers, rewarding your best sales people with a slap-up dinner at their favourite restaurant, playing lego with you five little kids (oh, that’s me. Gotta go…:-)

P.S. If you need any help making your site faster, get in touch and we’ll be glad to help if we can.

Behind the pork pie hat (I´m only 5″8´!), these are the Castells in Tarragona, Catelonia, on my iPhone. An amazing display of teamwork, risk, higher purpose, community and, ultimately, happiness. A lot can be learned about running a business from this…

And, to add a touch of class and originality to this blog post, here´s my old friend Paul Waring´s painting of this extraordinary tradition:

Hello!

We’re hiring at PAL. We’re a multi-million pound, entrepreneurial, fun company looking to make the world a better place! We need a fantastic web developer/designer ASAP to join us every day in our lovely offices in Cheadle Hulme. Here’s a little video explaining more. If you like the look of what you see, please send your CV and a letter explaining why we should interview and hire you to Steve Wild via the form below

- It saves us thousands every month
- It makes us thousands every month
- It points the way forward for all our future marketing efforts
- It’s not being done by any of our competitors

Want to know what it is?

Contact us to find out.

(you didn’t think I was going to broadcast it to the world, did you?)

Multiple Twitter Personality Disorder
From Twikipedia, the (almost) free encyclopedia

Not to be confused with Dissocial Media personality disorder.
“Split Twitter personality” redirects here. For other uses, see Split twitter personality (disambiguation).

Dissociative twitter identity disorder (DTID) is a psychiatric diagnosis and describes a condition in which a person displays multiple distinct twidentities (known as twalter egos or twalters), each with its own pattern of perceiving and interacting with the social media environment.

In the International Statistical Classification of Diseases and Related Twhealth Problems the name for this diagnosis is multiple twitter personality disorder. In both systems of terminology, the diagnosis requires that at least two personalities routinely take control of the individual’s behavior on twitter with an associated memory loss that goes beyond normal forgetfulness; in addition, symptoms cannot be the temporary effects of drug use or a general medical condition. DTID is less common than other dissociative disorders, occurring in approximately 1% of dissociative cases. and is often comorbid with other disorders, such as SEO obsessiveness or Social Media Conjunctivitis

There is a great deal of controversy surrounding the topic of DTID. The validity of DTID as a medical diagnosis has been questioned, and some researchers have suggested that DTID may exist primarily as an iatrogenic adverse effect of therapy. DTID is diagnosed significantly more frequently in North America than in the rest of the world, in particular California.

Signs and symptoms

Individuals diagnosed with DTID demonstrate a variety of symptoms with wide fluctuations across time, although the existence of time is open to debate; functioning can vary from severe impairment in daily Facebook status update functioning to normal or high abilities, such as +1. Symptoms can include:

• Multiple mannerisms, attitudes and beliefs which are not similar to each other, usually identified by separate twitter account user names
• Unexplainable headaches and other body pains, especially in the right forefinger (or “mousefinger”)
• Distortion or loss of subjective time
• Depersonalization (the loss of the original personality ie. that of the bullied schoolboy with his (sufferers are primarily male, although some females have been diagnosed) head being flushed down the lavatory, often being replaced with the “Belini-Gallileo Effect” – a belief that the world revolves around them, instead of the sun).
• Derealization – an inability to walk outside and take in the beauty of a flower on a warm summer day, due to this activity not producing any significant search result improvements
• Severe memory loss of anything
• Depression
• Flashbacks of abuse/trauma associated with closed-down social media accounts
• Sudden anger without a justified cause (see “SEO obsessiveness” above)
• Frequent panic/anxiety attacks about account closure or lack of rewteets
• Unexplainable phobias of other SEOs
• Auditory of the personalities inside their mind
• Paranoia

Patients may experience an extremely broad array of other symptoms that may appear to resemble epilepsy, schizophrenia, anxiety disorders, mood disorders, post traumatic stress disorder, personality disorders, and eating disorders (typically embodied by an over-consumption of aspartame via Diet Coke, Pepsi Max and similar beverages plus the desire to buy a cisco router for no apparent reason)